Monday 29 March 2021

Sparse translations of Sappho into "unconventional" languages

Lately I have been making several translations of Sappho into languages that aren't among the "conventional" ones I translated Sappho to, i.e. English Latin Italian. Since I don't know how many I will make, I will use this post as a collection for those.
The first such translation I made is… a hot mess :). So, for more precise dating info, head to this Facebook note, and for why this is a hot mess, see this Quora question. Essentially, the Finnish is absolutely appallingly horrible, and correcting it doesn't make sense because, with phonemic stress being much more important than vowel length (which surprises me a lot since the stress is predictable, but I digress), basing meter on quantity is a no-go. Barbarous meter could be an idea, but with my absolute ineptitude at getting Finnish right without actually seriously studying it, I definitely won't try it.
Anyway, between 6 and 7/3/19, I translated a random hexameter (1.C.i) by Sappho into Finnish, trying to get a hexameter, and between the following two days, I did the same with the Idyll with Aphrodite. Below, I report the final versions I reached before Quora intervened and demolished my endeavour, with only one correction: synnyttiin, which I got by accidentally looking at the wrong row of the inflection table, was supposed to be syntyivät. Similar corrections may be applicable to the other translation, but I don't want to re-analyze all this stuff and check where I went wrong. I also choose one of the options for ll. 4-5 of the second thing. I did completely rewrite verse 3 of the second thing to put in "niitty", "meadow", which I had previously forgotten to include. That was done starting 22:12 1/5/21. 22:15 I have l. 2. 22:20 I singularize the winds into tuuli. 22:26 I'm done.


Χρύσειοι δ' ἐρέβινθοι ἐπ' ἀϊόνων ἐφύοντο.



Δ̤ε̣ῦρύ μ' ἐκ Κρή̣τα̣̣ς̤ ἐ̤π[ὶ τόνδε] ναῦον
Ἄγνον, ὄπ[πᾳ δὴ χ]άριεν μὲν ἄλσος
Μαλί[νων, β]ῶμοι δ' ἔ‹ν›ι θυμιάμε̤-
ν̣οι̣ λιβ]ανώτῳ·

Ἐν ⌟δ' ὔδωρ ψῦχρον κελάδει δι' ὔσδων
Μαλίνων⌞, β̤ρόδοισ‹ι› δὲ ⌟παῖς ὀ χῶρος⌞
‹Ἐσκ›ίαστ̤', ⌟αἰθυσσομένων δὲ φύλλων
Κῶμα κατάῤῥει⌞·

Ἐν δὲ λείμω[ν] ἰπ̣π̣ό̣β̣οτος τέθαλε
Ἠ‹ρί›νοι̣σι̣ν̤ ἄνθεσιν, αἰ δ' ἄηται
Μέλλιχα πνέ̤ο̤ισι [φύτων] καρ̣ά̣νο-
θεν κατίο‹ι›[σαι.]

⌟Ἔλθε⌞ δὴ σὺ στέμ[ματ'] λ̣ο̣ισ̣α̣, ⌟Κύπρι,
χρυσίαισιν ἐν κυλίκεσσιν ἄβρως
συμμεμίγμε̣νον θαλίαισι νέκταρ
οἰνοχόεισα⌞.
Syntyivät kultaiset hyvät rannoilla kikherneet



Temppeliä pyhää tätä kohti, jolle
Jään ma nyt, Kreetalta tule aa te, täällä
Metsä kaunis on sekä alttareia
Suitsuke runsas

Polttavat. Ja kylmä puro oksien vä-
lissä virtaa ruusuja kaikki täällä
Peittävät, lehdiltä rasahtavilta
Aa uni laskee.

Kukkinut hevosta ravitseva on ku-
kin keväisin niitty, makeasti tuuli
Nyt puhaltaa kuin mesi, puilta hellä
Laskeva meille.

Aa Kyproslainen, tule tälle, käytä
Seppelet, riemun kera nektarin sa
Kaada kultaisiin pikareihin aa, juo-
kaamme se koolla/koossa.



We then continue with a waka-meter translation into Japanese of The stars and the moon. I give below the original Greek, a German translation into barbarous meter (which acts as a teaser for the barbarous meter German edition of Sappho I will launch someday), the Japanese, and a barbarous meter Hindi version.
  • The German one is from around 19 on 5/3/21, with the corrections suggested around 19:45 by this comment. I put it here just to fill the column, there are a couple other German translations, but these will go directly into the edition.
  • The Japanese one was made between 15 and 16 on 24/2/21 and posted here (in the form «銀色に | Gin’iro ni / 輝く月は | Kagayaku tsuki wa / この地球 | Kono chikyū / 光で満たす | Hikari de mitasu / あの時は、 | Ano toki wa, / 綺麗な月を | Kirêna tsuki wo / 巡る星 | Meguru hoshi / 明るい笑顔 | Akarui egao / 早く匿う。 | Hayaku kakumau.») to request improvement suggestions. I later made three more translations (see below), but I'm not totally sure I will do a Japanese edition of Sappho in waka meter, hence why all those translations are in this post. I then got an answer about the translation here under the question about the other three, at 9:18 on Feb 26, where two corrections were suggested, which I took up and have below. It is the only one here that translates the Bergk-amended text with αἶψ' instead of ἂψ.
  • The Hindi one is from 18:19-18:54 on 15/3/21, and is waiting for either ATajuddin or Quoran Tony Singh to suggest improvements since it appears the last two lines are hard to understand, perhaps due to the postposition "par" ending up at the start of l. 4. Since I have an English barbarous meter translation that may not have its own edition, I will put it here, and to fill the column I put the Italian one from the future edition in here as well. So the Italian one dates to 25/3/21, around 20:08 a first version was made, and around 22 it got some tweaks. As for the English one, we're going into the night between 28 and 29/3/21, specifically around 1:25.
  • Left-hand Romagnolo has its history at The stars and the moon, full moon and… an intruder?, right-hand Romagnolo is a rhming remake from 7/10/23, originally in the form «Tòtti al stël atôr'n a ch'la bëla lõna / Prëst la luș 'd la su fàża agli arpõna / Quãnd che pìna piò tãnta luș la-s dõna / P'r 'e nòstar mònd.» from 16:04-06, then l. 2 was remade at 16:17, and the last two lines were remade 9/10/23 21:59. I put them both here so they are paired. Maybe one day I'll do another translation into a Latin-script language and come to move right-hand to the left and put the new translation on the right.


Ἄστερες μὲν ἀμφὶ κάλαν σελάνναν
Ἂψ ἀπυκρύπτοισι φάεννον εἶδος,
Ὄπποτα πλήθοισα μάλιστα λάμπῃ
ἀργυρία γᾶν.



Ogni stella attorno alla bella luna
La brillante faccia nasconde ancora,
Or che, piena, argentea, più di tutto
Splende sul mondo.



Al stël atôran a ch'la bëla lôna
Prëst la luṣ 'd la su fàẓa agli arpõna,
Quând che piò tânta luṣ d’arzẽt la-s dõna
P’r ‘e nòstar mònd.



銀色ぎんいろ
かがやつき
この地球ちきゅう
ひかりたす
そのときに、
綺麗きれいつき
めぐほし
かがやかく
またなききの



तारे सारे ही सुंदर चांद के आस-पास
फिर छुपाते उनके चमकीले रूप को
झब, रुपहला ही एवं पूरा, भूमि
पर है चमकता।
Um den schönen Mond ihr Gesicht verdecken
Und ihr Licht noch wieder die Sterne, wie er
Voll und silberfarben, mit Strahlen Lichtes
Füllet die Erde.



All around the beautiful moon, the stars
Once again their bright shining faces hide
As it, full and silver, more than them all
Lights up the Earth.



Tòtti al stël atôr'n a ch'la bëla lõna
'D la su fàża prëst la luș agli arpõna
Quãnd che, pìna, piò tãnt arzęt la-s dõna
Cun la su luș.



Gin'iro ni
Kagayaku tsuki wa
Kono chikyū
Hikari de mitasu
Sono toki ni,
Kirêna tsuki wo
Meguru hoshi
Kagayaki kakusu
Matanaki no ma ni.



Tāre sāre hī suńdar' cāṅd' ke ās'-pās'
Phir' chupāte un'ke cam'kīle rūp' ko
Jab', rupäh'lā hī evaṅ pūrā, bhūmî
Par' hai camak'tā.



Next up, a bunch of translation of the single line «I don't know what to say/think, I have two thoughts».
  • First up, a Japanese one in waka meter. The first version is from around 19:10 on 25/2/21, made in a couple of minutes. I posted it here. I get comments by explicitly asking for them in the comments to an answer misplaced under that question, and this produces the second version the next day, with "dekinai", at "now" = 11:43:20, and that was fixed at "6 mins ago" from 13:40:46.
  • At 17:30-17:37 on that day (25/2/21), I produce the Hindi, which is supposed to scan according to – –u – | – –u – | – –u – | – –u –, though IIRC it has one wrong syllable. Note that –u is often replaced with an "overlong" syllable, where a long vowel is coupled to a closed syllable. That's a Persian thing.
  • I then think of using barbarous meter instead, and produce the second Hindi version in the evening of 11/3/21, in the form «मैं ना जनता क्या कहना: विचार मेरे बांटे हैं।». ATajuddin then suggests to add kî after jān'tā, which changes the line drastically to «अब मैं जनता न कि क्या कहूं: मुझे दो विचार», and then to «अब ना जानता कि क्या मैं कहूँ: मुझे दो विचार।», and eventually to «मैं ना जनता कि क्या कहूं: दो मेरे पास विचार।», all of which happens before 12 on the next day, save for the final 14:15 version. Then Tony Singh on Quora suggests to remove the kî, and I revert to the form below; finally, at some point I realize I should make it jān'tī, feminine, since it's Sappho, and at 0:21 on 12/3/23 I implement this.
  • Around 15:10 on 12/3/21 I think of a barbarous meter Modern Greek rendition: «Τι να είπω, δε ξέρω […]», but είπω is not a modern Greek form, so 25/4/23 18:33 I change it to the below.
  • Two days later in the early afternoon I do the same with Russian. On 23/6/23 I submit it to Alexey Gukov on Quora, and he approves it. I'm never sure how to render θέω: say, as I did in Russian and Greek, or "think"? For the latter option, I come up with Что считать я не знаю at 18:49, which A.G. says uses an excessively modern verb for a Sappho translation (so the perfective Ах, что счесть я не знаю from 19:55 is also not reported below), and then Я не знаю, что думать at 19:18. Then I wonder if we should use a perfective verb, given the aorist in Greek, and come up with Что подумать, не знаю agt 22:38.
  • In the night between 12 and 13/10/23, thinking of the captions for the above, I start translating the Haiku translation at the top of this list into an Italian haiku at 1:39, and into an English one at 1:40. By 2:24, the below versions are complete.



Οὐκ οἶδ' ὄττι θέω· δύο μοι τὰ νοήματα.



原版げんばん
こころにの
ことからない:
思考しこうふたつ。


修正版しゅうせいばん
こころには
言葉ことばにできぬ
おもいがふた



Dentro nel mio cuor,
Indicibile per me,
Coppia di pensieri c'è.



ना जानती क्या मैं कहूँ: मेरे विचार बांटे हुए।


मैं ना जानती क्या कहना: विचार मेरे बंटे हैं।.
Что сказать, я не знаю: две мысли есть у меня.
Я не знаю, что думать: две мысли есть у меня.
Что подумать, не знаю: две мысли есть у меня.
Τι να πω, δεν το ξέρω· οι σκέψεις μου είναι δυο.



Genban
Kokoro ni no
Koto wakaranai:
Shikô wa futatsu.


Shūsê ban
Kokoro ni wa
Kotoba ni dekinu
Omoi ga futatsu



Deep within my heart,
Both unspeakable, there are
Two thoughts very far apart



Nā jān’tī kyā maiṅ kahūṃ: mere vicār bāṅṭe hue.


Maiṅ nā jān'tī kyā käh'nā: vicār' mere bańṭe haiṅ.
Čto skazát', ĵa nĵe znáĵu: dvĵe mýsli ĵest' u mĵenĵá.
Ĵa nĵe znáĵu, čto dúmat': dvĵe mýsli ĵest' u mĵenĵá.
Čto podúmat', nĵe znáĵu: dvĵe mýsli ĵest' u mĵenĵá.



Next up we have Japanese again. This time it's the line about Latona and Niobe. The first Japanese version is from 25/2/21 at about 19:30. I posted it here, where I then got the second one, with "Niobe no futari" for l. 2, at "now" from 11:43:20 the next day, whereas at "31 mins" from 14:51:10 that gets made into the current version.



Λάτω καὶ Νιόβα μάλα μὲν φίλαι ἦσαν ἔταιραι.



原板げんばん
ラートーと
ニオバー二人ふたり
たがいに
とてもいとしい
友達ともだちでした。


修正板しゅうせいばん
ラートーと
ニオバー二人ふたり
あい
なかむつまじく
きずなふかく。
Lato and Niobe were indeed very dear friends.



Genban
Rātō to
Niobā futari
Otagai ni
Totemo itoshii
Tomodachi deshita.


Shūsê ban
Rato to
Niobā futari
Aishi ai
Naka mutsumajiku
Kizuna wa fukaku.



Then we have a Japanese waka translation of the golden chickpeas line. On 26/2/21, shortly before 00:50, I make the first version. I post it here, and the next morning at "now" from 11:43:20 I get the second version suggested to me.



Χρύσεοι ‹δ'› ἐρέβινθοι ἐπ' ἀϊόνων ἐφύοντο.



原版げんばん
海岸かいがん
黄金色こがねいろ
まめまれた。


修正版しゅうせいばん
海辺うみべにて
まれたまめ
いろ黄金おうごん
Golden chickpeas upon the shores were born.



Genban
Kaigan ni
Koganeirona
Mame wa umareta.


Shūsê ban
Umibe nite
Umareta mame no
Iro wa ôgon



To, for the time being, close this post off, we have a translation of the Leda fragment into Japanese. It started at 3:01 in the night between 13/3 and 14/3/21, and was finished between 14:04 and 14:15 the next day.



Φαῖσι δή ποτα Λήδαν ὐακινθίνων
εὔρην ὤϊον [ἀνθέ͜ων] πεπυκαδμένον
[ὔπο].



ひとはそうう:
レーダーは
ヒアシンスはな
かくしたの
たまごをいつか
つけたわ.
They say indeed that once Leda found
An egg covered [by] hyacinth-colored
[Flowers].



Hito wa sô iu:
Rēdā wa
Hiashinsu hana
Kakushita no
Tamago wo itsuka
Mitsuketa wa.



2.5 years later, this series of Japanese translations has become its own project, and just today, 21/11/23, it has gotten its own post: 長歌のサッフォー Chôka no Saffō. I decided to leave only the 2021 translations here, removing "Love shook my heart", "You came", and "Idly-barking tongue" from here and leaving them only to that post.



To close off the post, on 19/9/22 at 12:23-24, I randomly translate a Sappho fragment into Spanish in barbarous meter. Since my Spanish edition already has a prose translation (left column is a revision), and this translation loses one or two words, I decided to put this here. 12:24 is a tweak: entonces->ahora at the end. Let's see it!


Τάδε νῦν ἐταίραις
Tαὶς ἔμαις τέρποισα κάλως ἀείσω.

Esas cosas ahora, delectando
A mis compañeras, voy a cantar bellamente.
These things now, pleasing
My companions, I will nicely sing.

Para delectar a
Mis amigas voy a cantar ahora

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